attempting balance

I am not sure that absolute balance is ever achievable without tools, just as a tightrope walker uses a balance bar we need these tools to help balance our lives.  I feel blessed to have such an understanding partner who allows me to learn through trial and error and without this I don't think I would learn. He offers advice as needed and reals me back to reality when I am floating away. I also consider the blogs I read as tools, it is comforting to connect with other women who often experience similar circumstances in their lives.. I also enjoy writing out my own emotions..they sometimes feel and look different in print.

Speaking of blogs...I was reading a blog yesterday and was upset about a comment she made. She was certain of only one right way to raise children.  I pondered this comment all day and evening and wondered why it affected me so.  I concluded that it bothered me because I wasn't raising my children as she saw fit nor do I believe that there is only one way to raise children.  Every families situation is unique and requires unique solutions to establish balance.

  I love being a mother and I love being involved with Eli's school and having "mia time" but I also feel I need something for me. Be that selfish or not it's what I need.  I attempted working nights so I can be home with the kids but use my nursing degree....but that didn't work for, me, my kids, my husband, or our life...every situation is unique and I admire the women who do this full time...

If I do not have balance with my soul I am not the best mother I can be..and that is not fair to my children..

I worked hard to earn my degrees and while I don't regret any decision I have made to sacrifice career for children..I am ready to do something for me....to a point! And this is the part that I am having a hard time finding balance with!! For one working part time still requires child care and most don't offer part time care until 3...still 10 months away.... 

BUT

I am going to do it! I have found....what we think....is a wonderful solution to our tightrope..

I am going to work 3 days with a wonderful pediatrician as a PNP. I will take Eli to school, drop Mia off at daycare...yup I said the dreaded D word..and head off to work! It will just be her and I in a large established office! I am very excited! I will still have 2 days home during the week! Every situation is unique! I have found it is important to me that I have time for craft time, I need that creative outlet!

I would love to move into a bigger house with a bigger yard...BUT I love Eli's school, Chris has a commute of 1.6miles...so this is our compromise for right now! Maybe something will come where we can still walk Eli to school move a little bit farther into Olde towne but for right now we are happy with our current situation! One tightrope at a time!

I am thankful for the tools I have in my life to help me achieve balance! 

Mid-life crisis??

I am not sure if it was the fact that I turned 34, or my children decided to both change into mutant non-listeners, or maybe a desire for a new (totally extravagant) bottega veneta bag.... probably a combination, that has cause such indecsion in my life. I felt like I was walking through the motions and somehow became bitter and unhappy with my life. It is amazing how once the seed of discontent plants itself...the roots WILL spread..so then EVERY aspect of my life was horrible and miserable and MUST be changed. Actually I am pretty happy and love my life. I needed a wake up call, I needed to SEE what life could be like if I changed it. I went to California, stopped blogging, stopped crafting and considered uprooting my family and moving to follow "my dream"! First I am just going to say THANK GOD I have such a supportive husband who just wants me to be happy!! Second I got the job, the SAME day Chris got a call about a great opportunity for his career here on the east coast! hmmm so we sat down and talked and talked and I vented...even ( accidently) threw a cup of milk...yea I went through a crazy moment! And who ever said not to cry over spilled milk didn't have to clean it off kitchen cabinets! I do have so say becoming a little irrational was very theraputic for me! I tend to hold everything in until a breaking point...and I needed to get some things out. So we both agreed we wanted me to stay home a little longer, a little more time to cherish these babies. I love being home and am going to keep at it a little bit longer! E will be in school full time in August and we are probably going to put miss crazy pants in a preschool program. I am going to continue doing crafts and furniture on a "as I want to" not a "I HAVE TO" basis. I am going to open an Etsy shop but not kill myself to do it. As I find cool pieces of furniture I will continue to paint...but not so do or die. I tend to jump in head first and go ALL out at ALL costs....I am working on that! For now my focus in my two crazy-wonderful little people I am always looking for that perfect project or part time job but as of right now I am NOT looking I am JUST being....

Lacking motivation....need a change

Hello dear friends, sorry for the lack of motivation and blog posts! I am just not feeling it lately! Us here at the good ole Jackson household like to shake life up every now and then, usually once we get settled somewhere and RE-do.... I have really been questioning what I want to do with myself. I LOVE being with my children, they bring me so much joy. BUT... lately I feel like I am lacking something for myself, I know selfish right? I have this wonderful education that I worked hard to get AND paid to get.. and would like to use it. I miss feeling like I am contributing, financially to our family when I could! My children are so well adapted and social! Mia loves being around other kids and thrives on it! Mr. Eli is starting school in August and can't wait!! So I feel like it's time for me to go BACK to work...ok back to working outside the home!! Well anywho...this is such a personal, emotional, hard, frustrating decision! I am a huge believer that things happen for a reason...and that if I am open to change and inspiration that all things will fall into place to make it happen...I feel I am so unhappy with our current situation and my kids suffer...I miss working...again I know selfish.. SO I applied for a local job that was posted and seemed..ok..not a position I would LOVE but would work... low and behold that position was filled and wouldn't have worked anyway...BUT that next day a recruiter from Children's Hospital of LA found my resume( I wasn't actively looking for any jobs except the local one) and would LOVE for me to apply to an AMAZing opportunity in LA!! CRAZY..right? Well I said..ok why not? The job is ME what I love to do and it's just a CRAZY story! So I went to my WONDERFUL husband and was like...so...um...well what would you think about moving to LA!!! keep in mind that is where I am from, my roots, some of my most favorite people still live there...although we would be leaving SOOO many loves here too. He was like hmmm CA is $$$ so as i was talking to the hospital they offered me a number that would make $$$ CA doable! So he was in and is now so super excited for the challenge!! He is so supportive of me and wants me to be happy! So I am flying out to CA sometime next week!