Thursday, October 27, 2011

attempting balance

I am not sure that absolute balance is ever achievable without tools, just as a tightrope walker uses a balance bar we need these tools to help balance our lives.  I feel blessed to have such an understanding partner who allows me to learn through trial and error and without this I don't think I would learn. He offers advice as needed and reals me back to reality when I am floating away. I also consider the blogs I read as tools, it is comforting to connect with other women who often experience similar circumstances in their lives.. I also enjoy writing out my own emotions..they sometimes feel and look different in print.
Speaking of blogs...I was reading a blog yesterday and was upset about a comment she made. She was certain of only one right way to raise children.  I pondered this comment all day and evening and wondered why it affected me so.  I concluded that it bothered me because I wasn't raising my children as she saw fit nor do I believe that there is only one way to raise children.  Every families situation is unique and requires unique solutions to establish balance.
  I love being a mother and I love being involved with Eli's school and having "mia time" but I also feel I need something for me. Be that selfish or not it's what I need.  I attempted working nights so I can be home with the kids but use my nursing degree....but that didn't work for, me, my kids, my husband, or our life...every situation is unique and I admire the women who do this full time...
If I do not have balance with my soul I am not the best mother I can be..and that is not fair to my children..
I worked hard to earn my degrees and while I don't regret any decision I have made to sacrifice career for children..I am ready to do something for me....to a point! And this is the part that I am having a hard time finding balance with!! For one working part time still requires child care and most don't offer part time care until 3...still 10 months away.... 
BUT
I am going to do it! I have found....what we think....is a wonderful solution to our tightrope..
I am going to work 3 days with a wonderful pediatrician as a PNP. I will take Eli to school, drop Mia off at daycare...yup I said the dreaded D word..and head off to work! It will just be her and I in a large established office! I am very excited! I will still have 2 days home during the week! Every situation is unique! I have found it is important to me that I have time for craft time, I need that creative outlet!

I would love to move into a bigger house with a bigger yard...BUT I love Eli's school, Chris has a commute of 1.6miles...so this is our compromise for right now! Maybe something will come where we can still walk Eli to school move a little bit farther into Olde towne but for right now we are happy with our current situation! One tightrope at a time!
I am thankful for the tools I have in my life to help me achieve balance! 

2 comments:

Jaime said...

Balance is a daily struggle! Good for you for trying to be the best mother you can be!

the irelands said...

I think you do a fabulous job balancing...or might i say juggling? Sometimes it feels like juggling because if one thing falls out of place, it all will! Ami, if one thing falls out of place God will catch it and you! He is teaching you and probably giving you more balls to juggle to make you stronger! But some days can't we just decide to be weak for a little bit? haha! I love you girl! Mia will be fine...you may find it exhasts her so she doesnt exhast your! I promise I am getting a post of Liliana up, our main computer with all the pics on it has died...we are awaiting the arrival of our NEWLY purchased one! You are a fabulous mom, just look at who trained you!
Love Jennifer